Two Can Tell
by athingsublime
Summary: Follow up to The Advocate [S9EP17], the only change being that Carter didn't end up coming after Abby.


Title: Two Can Tell  
Author: Noa  
Feedback: julianna_fan@yahoo.com or sharlot12@hotmail.com  
Archive: Just ask.  
Catagory: Angst/Romance  
Spoilers: Very minor ones to 'The Advocate', S9EP17.  
Rating: PG-13   
Summary: Follow up to TA, the only change being that Carter didn't end up coming after Abby.  
Disclaimer: All "ER" characters and institutions are the property of Warner Bros., ConstantC Productions and Amblin Television. This is written strictly for entertainment value, no infringement of copyright or ownership is intended, and nobody is making a profit on this piece. Any errors in continuity, characterization, or common sense are entirely my own  
fault.  
  
-------  
  
She couldn't remember how she ended up in his arms on his bed, or even what drew her there in first place. She remembered walking aimlessly in the streets of Chicago, pondering life and the latest events in hers, wondering how to get herself out of the trouble she managed to get herself into. Carter was right, there was no quick fix, no easy way for her out of the hole she's been digging herself for years... But how she had wished for one, how she wished that things could just get better overnight.  
  
She somehow ended up in his apartment building, standing in front of his door after being let in into the building by another tenant. Without even thinking about it, she knocked on the door, leaving herself no room to fully regret. She could walk away, of course... But something made her stay. He opened the door a few moments later, an awkward silence setting between them when he recognized her in the darkness of the hallway. He let her in wordlessly, not daring to question her reasons for coming - He never did.   
--  
  
They moved together in a painfully perfect harmony, hands roaming over the other's body. She forgot what it felt like to touch him and be touched by him, how perfectly their bodies fit together, despite the obvious size difference. She forgot how wonderful, how beautiful, how special he could make her feel, in the way no one else ever did. She forgot how he made her whole body shiver just by laying on finger on her, and how she once wanted to shiver like that forever.  
  
--  
  
They talked at first. Small talk, for the most part, and he did not even question her appearance once. She loved that about him, his instinctive acceptation of her actions, bizarre and out of place as they may be. He just went along with it, and she thought that maybe he just believed she would explain it herself when it felt right to her. It rarely did, she guessed, because the number of times she had explained those actions to him didn't even make up to the fingers of one hand.  
  
--  
  
He kissed her so softly that she barely felt him against her, up until his tongue begged for access to her mouth, that once given contributed to deepening and strengthening their kiss. He had a special way to kiss her, one that she could never explain, and never wanted to. It was their special thing, something she knew they could never quite have with another partner.  
  
--  
  
He held her after they made love. Had sex, she soon corrected herself. Love... Love was something that they weren't allowed to share, something they should never feel for one another. Loving him is just going to be too much pain, she reasoned to herself. There would be no one solid in that kind of love, with both of them being so troubled. He deserves to love someone who would always be there, strong enough, and she... She deserved nothing like that. She deserved nothing, period, after she had ruined her chance with Richard like that. You get one chance to be truly happy, that woman told her, and she blew it.  
  
--  
  
They parted with a kiss in the morning. They both felt as if they had to do it, but once they actually did, it did not feel forced. At least it did for her, she was having problems getting through to him and into his thoughts. She wondered, though. Not just about their kiss, but her whole visit. She wondered if it made him feel special and awful at the same time, like it did to her. She wondered if he felt he was cheating on someone, if there even was anyone for him to cheat on. There probably wasn't, she told herself. Because if you have someone, you spend the night with them, and you don't let other women in and you don't sleep with them, even if they are no stranger to you. She was a stranger to him, she thought, and he let her in anyway.  
  
--  
  
She woke up on the middle of the night, alerted at first when she couldn't figure out where she was. He was awake, too. He sat up as she did a few moments before him, pleading her with his eyes to go back to sleep. She turned to look him, leaning forward to kiss him softly. He was an easy fix, an easy way out, or at least he was that night. She wished for him to be able to fix her for good, she wished from him to dig her out. She wished for him to be wishing the same thing, being dug out by her. 


End file.
